Update on the τ-conspiracy
This is an update on the previous news reported here.

The Tupolev, despite its airworthiness and excellent mechanical condition, was unable to take off. A phone call from Ramsfeld to Netanyahu followed, who reminded him of a similar call from Winberger to Begin, and told him that the new U.S. aid to Israel was subject to helping the Greek consul to reach his destination. Otherwise, the American president would have to face the ire of the Greek lobby in the next Presidential elections, where, according to recent polls, every vote will count. A second phone call to Bibi originated, according to our French sources in Agency French Pressing, from Ankara. The Turkish Prime Minister Erdogan, who is very well known for his philhellenism, spoke in impeccable biblical Hebrew and, as is his custom, in a very convincing diplomatic language, asking for help on behalf of the Greek consular authorities. Our biblical language experts strongly advised us against any but a biblical Greek translation of what was said, since, any traslation outside the biblical languages would be necessarily inaccurate and would not do justice to the elegance of the expressions and the refined diplomatic skills used by the Turkish Premier: "Τζάνουμ, κάνε μία ελεημοσύνη και δώσε ένα shekel (שקלים) γιατί εγώ να δώσω καμια λίρα (lirası) σε Μουσουλμάνο, αλλά σε Εβραίο, Αρμένη και Ρωμιό, με το συμπάθειο, δε συνηθίζω να δίνω μία." After being subjected to this international pressure, the government, following appropriate protocol, made available a Lada, personal gift from Stalin to Ben-Gurion, and the ambassador was able to depart for Jerusalem.

The consul in Egypt, we are told by our German colleagues, was abducted by pirates, as the unfavorable winds made sailing north on the Nile very difficult indeed. As the funds for paying the requested ransom are very scarce, there was a penta-pirtite meeting called immediately in Brussels. Attending the meeting were Barroso, Van Rompuy, Rehn and, of course Schäuble and Lagarde. Despite the demands by the Polish minister of finance to attend as current president of the council of European finance ministers, even though Poland is not intending to participate in any form of aid, this was not made possible. The discussions centered on whether to release a portion of the European funds earmarked in the 176th Installment of the European policy, Appendix Q, concerning Navigation on the High Seas for victims of piracy in Somalia, without requiring the Greek co-pay, which Athens is unable to afford at present. Despite Schäuble's lacklustre support, who indicated by cell phone in an interview to Der Spiegel during the meeting, that Greeks have to put their act together, but that European Navigation without Greece is unfathomable, a message from Berlin turned the negotiations upside down. In agreement with Sarkozy, who was attending Prince Albert's wedding, but was nevertheless reachable by cell phone because Carla stayed at home, Merkel asked to intervene by teleconference, in which she objected to the aid. According to her, one cannot provide aid that is intended for the high seas navigation to navigation in a river. Moreover, Egypt, according to the travaux préparatoires accompanying Article 593, Appendix J, which was accompanying the treaty establishing the policy, Appendix Q, is, in the spirit of the policy, as far away from Somalia as Germany is from Japan. As an alternative proposal, the German government will try to force voluntary participation of private art dealers, who have stashed, during an unnamed era and unbeknownst to the German government, in their bunkers in Berlin, Munich and Dresden some illegal Egyptian antiquities in a voluntary scheme by which the Greek consul might be returned by paying the ransom in part in kind.

In Athens in the meantime, the government is trying to exploit another development to resolve this issue. The attorney representing the deposed Egyptian president Mubarak publicly announced that, despite the recent stash of cash that the ex-President was found to own in Athenian bank accounts, his claim that he had no funds in foreign countries was in fact accurate. According to the attorney, the bilateral relations between Greece and Egypt under the Mubarak regime were so warm that the President subconsciously thinks that Greece is Egypt and Egypt is Greece, whence, in essence, his statement that no money exists in foreign accounts is true. The universalist faction of the Greek ruling party, led by Papandreou and Venizelos, argued that this attack of kindness and friendship should provide the government with new diplomatic weapons to approach the co-conspirators in an international effort under the auspices of the Secretary General Ban Ki-moon. The bullies, a.k.a. the tanks, under Pangalos, however, read in this statement an act of aggression. What do they mean by Greece is Egypt? They urge a national conscription to come into effect immediately and  readiness for the C130s and the tanks so that they can be flown at a moment's notice to Cairo. Karatzaferis, on the other hand, likes the idea of a conscription, but thinks that the conscipts should instead be sent to the Greco-Vardar Macedonian border and the Greco-Turkish border to prevent illegal immigration. Samaras is still undecided on this issue and Bakoyanni says that, unless these developments have any potential of returning her personally in government, they are insignificant when one looks at the big picture. As a consequence, she urges her non-existent deputies in parliament to vote "present" in any subsequent debate. A second debate for a new vote of confidence for the Greek government on this issue may be unavoidable. Will the government survive?